If you've read my blog you know I've had some dark times since being diagnosed. It was hard enough trying to find myself after graduating college but then to get a diagnosis such as the one that I have at nearly the same time throws everything in the air.
Much of my crises had to do with going on disability at the recommendation of my rhuematologist and parents. I still wanted to work, I struggled to come to terms with my diagnosis on top of being told that I needed to stop working for a while, it was a while before I was able to find my stride again and to this day when people ask me about working or disability I find myself growing anxious.
It's not that I don't want to get back to work, I really do, but I also realize that the only reason I do as well as I do is because I am able to rest when I need and the insurance that I have through the state covers the treatments I need to be able to feel better. These thoughts also invariably bring up the thoughts of "Am I sick enough"?
I don't know if other chronically ill people go through these same sorts of thoughts, but I always hear other people's stories and then compare it to my own situation (usually seeing them post about their worst days while I am having a good day) and then think to myself that I should just suck it up because I don't have things as bad as the other person.
It really doesn't help when people tell you that you look good, even when you're feeling terrible. I think that's what's so insidious about chronic illnesses; you learn to put on a front and you learn it so well that people start to assume that you really are better.